Murphy's Law: If It Can Happen To Me, It Will

posted on 15 August 2010 | posted in Fashion

I guess my wedding day wouldn`t be the record holder for the worst ever, but it`s probably in the top 20!

I'd done all the right things beforehand: bought my wife-to-be arguably the most ostentatious of engagement rings one could clap their eyes on.

So the night before my wedding, I went to bed the night before thinking, all I have to do is get up, shower, hang arround the apartment until about 10:30, then go pick up the preacher and go to her parent`s house and get married. Sounds simple enough, doesn`t it? Well I got married on New Year's Eve in 1997, and Murphy and his Law were in fine form that day!

The first thing I should have remembered is: in Tennessee the winters are very unpredictable. I watched the late news the night before, nothing bad was forecast so I didn`t worry. I woke up the next day, got in the shower, and after breakfast got online and surfed a little. I had the TV on and got interested in a show and had forgotten to log off remember those were the days of 14.4 k dialup and so the phone line was still being used. I looked up and it was 10:05, so I turned the TV off and shut down the computer. The instant it went dark the phone rang. It was lovely bride-to-be, and she was slightly irritated! She told me she had been trying to call me for over an hour and told me I`d better hurry. I asked her why I needed to hurry since the wedding wasn`t until noon. She then asked if I had looked out the window yet. No, not yet I replied, starting to feel a bit aprehensive.

I opened the blinds to a snow covered landscape! I grabbed my coat, tie and keys and ran downstairs. I got in my truck, opened up the garage door, and locked in the 4WD and away I went.I got over to her parent`s house and went in to get her keys as my truck wasnt big enough for the preacher and his wife to get into, they were a much older couple and I didn`t want to have one of them in the rear jump seat. So, off I go in my future wife`s Explorer, directions to the preacher`s house in hand. I get to one of the places I should turn at and there wasn`t a right turn there! I think, OK, I must have these wrong, so I go back and start over but it doesn`t help. I try going back to the main road and by this time (11:35) I`m starting to panic so every time I come up on a clear spot in the road, I floor the gas then stomp the brake as I get near snow. I did this 2 or 3 times and then as I neared a curve, the accelerator stuck to the floor! Here I was, going flat out right at some trees, and I had about 5 seconds to do something, I stomped both feet on the brake and instantly realized that the engine was going to override the brakes before I lost enough speed to stay on the snow covered turn. So I reached up and turned the key to the acc position. That worked, the engine died and I came to a stop right before the snow began.

I caught my breath and put it in park. I looked down at the gas pedal and it was in the up position so I tried starting it, ready to shut it off instantly in case the cable was broken. It started normally and I tapped the gas to see if it would work. As it seemed that everything was fine now, I resumed my search for the right road with the same procedure as before as time was getting even shorter now. And again the gas stuck wide open! This time I turned the key off first and braked to a halt just in time again, but as I looked down I saw that the pedal had gotten stuck in the floor mat! When I moved my right foot the pedal poped up and I realized that the first time I didn`t keep one foot down and the pedal had popped up while I was otherwise occupied with preventing my untimely demise. I got out and ripped that floor mat out and threw it in the cargo area, and as I looked up there was a road to the right, nowhere near where I was supposed to be with a street sign that had been coated with snow. I went up and brushed the snow off.

There was the road I had been trying to find all along!

So, I went to the correct house, got out and went to the door. the preacher and his wife came out and I helped them to the car. As we were leaving his neighborhood he told me about "some lunatic" driving arround the area like a madman, racing along! I just stifled a snort and we got to her parents house with 2 min to spare! Then as the ceremony was about halfway over the phone started ringing....and ringing. Anyway, the wedding went forward and 13 years later I look back at the beginning and think, Murphy you lost that day!